No More Supersized Sugary Beverages Says NYC Mayor Bloomberg

Tigger, you are fired!

Have you ever heard the saying, “This is an ‘A’ and ‘B’ conversation you need to ‘C’ your way out of it?” I’ve never been to New York. I can’t even see it from my house. But I am beginning to wonder what the deal is between the Big Apple and sugary beverages.

First Governor Paterson tried to tax the sugary stuff, but that didn’t work out. Now Mayor Bloomberg, in the fight against obesity, has enacted a bill to limit sugary drinks to no more than 16 ounces.  The ban, if passed, would affect food venues in New York City that are letter graded by the Health Department, food carts or street vendors included.

According to the Mayor while the rest of us slackers sit on our collective fat behinds, hello North Carolina, he’s not going to just wring his hands over the growing obesity problem in the nation. If he has his way, by March 2013, he would’ve wrested the sugary stuff away, at least in part, fighting the good fight against the spreading epidemic. Here’s how the sugary beverage thing breaks down:

  • Allowed: 16 oz. or less soft drink w/sugar
  • Banned: 16+ oz. soft drink w/sugar
  • Allowed: Diet Soft drink or sweet shake (ANY SIZE) LOL – couldn’t resist
  • Allowed:  16 oz. or less bottled soft drink
  • Banned:  16+ oz. bottled soft drink
  • Allowed: 16 oz. or less coffee or tea (unsweetened)
  • Banned:  16+ oz. coffee or tea (sweetened)
  • Allowed:  ANY SIZE – Latte or Cappuccino (51% milk – sweetened or unsweetened) LMAO
  • Allowed:  ANY SIZE – Fruit Juice (at least 70% juice) ROLMAO
  • Allowed:  16 oz. or less Fruit drink w/sugar
  • Banned:  16+ oz. Fruit drink w/sugar

(Source: N.Y.C. Health Dept.)

Call me many things but don’t call me an instigator. But if I lived in NYC and the ban became law, I would:

  • Hightail it to the nearest grocery store and stock up on all the sugary beverages I could lay hands on. You could always sneak a couple of big bottles into movie theaters, ball parks, and restaurants. And far as street carts, you can always go back for seconds, thirds, and fourths of the 16 oz. or less size. Oh, you could do it for the others too.
  • Pig out on all the ANY SIZE ALLOWED stuff: the 70% fruit juices, 51% sweetened and unsweetened Lattes and Cappuccinos, and sweet shakes, then bombard Mayor Bloomberg with letters proclaiming all the weight you’ve lost.
  • Don’t forget to SUPERSIZE your meal and order fries with that shake. Again, however you wanna do it, inform the wise and wonderful mayor of your weight loss. Don’t forget to include photos of your new, svelte self.
  • Get as much unsweetened coffee or tea you want. If you’re at the drive-thru window, get packs and packs of sugar. It is a slight inconvenience but you can dump in as much sugar as you want and Mayor Bloomberg will be none the wiser.
  • Send the mayor your dental bill after the acid from all the diet sodas eat away at your teeth. (Try pouring soda, diet or regular, on a corroded car battery and watch the results.)

Those are just a few suggestions from  a North Carolina country bumpkin. Y’all big time New Yorkers will no doubt come up with other ways to circumvent the sticky situation should it become necessary. In the meantime, I’ll be keeping y’all in prayer. Believe me I know how hard it is to drink water. Anyway, ah, I’ll just see my way out of it now.

Pssst…Again, I’m not trying to get between you all and your mayor, who just wants what’s best for you after all, but let me know if deep down you think he should just jump off the Brooklyn Bridge.

Less posing and more working.


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